♪ (upbeat theme music) ♪ – “Kindergarten”? – What is that? – I can’t wait to revisit kindergarten. – It’s been 11 years.
– I feel like it’s gonna be some really simple arcade game. – (FBE) So Kindergarten is a puzzle adventure game where you take on the role of a student in a slightly off school that is full of secrets. – Okay. It sounds exciting. – Little sus, but hopefully this isn’t a scary game.
– (FBE) This is a game where you discover more information the more you play. So we’re gonna give you 40 minutes or around two school days to see how far you can get. – Two months work better than one. – Yeah, I guess so. – So we got this.
We’re gonna win. – No idea what to expect literally, but it’ll be fun. – Okay. – Ooh. – So this is my piggy bank. So we got $5.
– All right. “Press Down to take money. Press Up to put money back.” – I’m in kindergarten.
How much do I need? – Take half of it. – Go big or go home. – You know what?
(cash register rings) Go big or go home. – “Am I ready to start another day of kindergarten?” I think we’re ready.
– Okay, so we’re here. – “Hmm.” – Can I go up and beat up kids? – “I smell money.
Sniff. Yeah, someone is definitely carrying more than $3 around.” It’s us. – Oh, shoot. – “You carrying any cash?”
No. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Kindergarten’s rough. – Dude. – (gasps) ♪ (dramatic sting) ♪ – What?
– Did he die? – I died in kindergarten. – “I’m Monty. If you need something, come talk to me. Odds are I can get it for you for the right price.”
Do we want anything right now? – Oh, no, I think we’re good. But, um, looks like we got a black market thing going on at this kindergarten class. – Yo, what’s up, boy. – “I’m Jerome. I don’t think you’re cool enough to talk to me.”
– All right, jerk. – “I don’t think you’re cool enough to talk to me.” – Oh. What a dickhead. – Oh, he sucks. – Let’s go talk to pigtails.
– “Hey there, cute. I’m Cindy. Wanna be my boyfriend?” Sure.
– “…first you have to do something for me.” Isn’t our love enough? – “Hahaha. That’s cute, but no, it isn’t. You’re gonna have to prove it to me.”
Okay. Be a good boyfriend and say, “How do I do that?” – “You see that girl over there? That’s Lily. I want you to take this gum and stick it in her hair during the morning time.
Got it?” Hell yeah, let’s do it. – “Come find me for morning time after you’ve done it.” (school bell rings) – “Okay, children! It’s time to start the day! Everyone head inside for morning time!”
– “Good morning, children. It’s time for you to pick your buddies for morning time.” – I think we should be partners with Lily. “Oh, I don’t really do the whole morning buddy thing anymore.”
What? – Oh! Oh!
Are we putting gum in her hair? (sighs) We’re about to be terrible. – (groaning) “Did you just– oh, you did. You put gum in my hair. That’s so mean.
Cindy put you up to this, didn’t she?” – “Did you do it? Oh my gosh, you totally did. Wow!
What happened? What did she say? Did she cry?
I bet she cried.” “Now you can be my morning buddy, which also makes you my boyfriend. As my boyfriend, you get the honor of playing house with…” (snickers) “…playing house with me.” – “Welcome home, husband. I hope work wasn’t too hard, ’cause you’re going to be making dinner tonight.” “Sniff, sniff.
Have you been drinking again?” No. – “You’re clearly drunk.
The fact that you made it home at all is a miracle!” “You can’t leave! I’m going to have to stop you!” – Okay, so we have– – What the hell?!
– We just died. – Let’s just go to… – Jerome? – Get over here, you. – “You know you’re not cool enough to talk to me, let alone be my morning buddy. Besides, he’s gonna hook me up with a sweet yo-yo.” Whatever.
Oh my gosh! – Wait, what if we buy a yo-yo first? Buy something.
– I want to buy something. “Here’s what’s for sale.” Yo-yo. Get the yo-yo.
Get the yo-yo. – Cigarettes? You’re in kindergarten!
– What?! – “Dude, you know you’re not cool enough to talk to me, let alone be my morning buddy. Besides, Monty is gonna hook me up with a sweet yo-yo.” – You mean this yo-yo?
Do that, do that. – “Aw, come on! He told me he was gonna save that for me.” – I mean, do I want him to be my buddy? He’s kind of a dick.
– We should do that. – Okay. – You can have it if you’ll be my buddy. – “You’ve got a deal.
And since we’re gonna be friends, I think you should do something to help me out.” – We just gave you a yo-yo! – I know, seriously!
– “You know that creepy old janitor? He stole my laser pointer this morning.” “I need your help to get it back. When you’re ready, I’ll give you a hall pass.” – Okay. – (panting) – (giggles) Your little run’s so cute.
Who’s that? – Uh… – Uh, what is that? – Um. Excuse me, sir? – That’s probably the hall monitor– Oh, what? – Shoot.
Excuse me. – “Not so fast there, little dude. I’m gonna need to see your hall pass before I can let you by.” – Here’s my pass. (school bell rings) – “Bummer, dude. That’s the bell.
Looks like you won’t get to do business after all.” (school bell rings) – “Okay, kids. That’s the lunch bell.
Let’s go down to the cafeteria for a nutritious meal.” – “I hear we’re having slop today. How exciting.” – “We’ll talk at lunch.” – “Well? Did you get it?”
“Looks like I’m just gonna have to deal with whatever punishment I get from this. You can keep the pass.” – Let’s go talk to Cindy. – (both) “Sorry, sweetie. We’re through. Better luck tomorrow.”
– Oh, thank God. – Dang. She is a savage.
– How about we talk to the cafeteria lady who’s beating the table? – Okay. – She looks insane.
– “How you doing there, sonny? Want some tasty slop for lunch?” – Okay, okay, let’s take some.
All right. – “There you go.” – “And don’t be shy about coming back for seconds. Plenty of slip to go around.” (school bell rings) “Okay, kiddos! That’s the recess bell.
Go burn off all that delicious slop you just ate.” – Let’s go to recess. – “Behold! The Nugget Cave!
It is very deep and very dark. What secrets does it hold? Do you want to find out?”
Yeah. No, we’re gonna die. (thud) We died.
(laughs) – “Do you want to find out?” Heck yeah. (gasps) No. No. “Jumping into holes you can’t see the bottom of is generally considered a bad idea.” – What kind of kindergarten is this?
– Okay. – “Don’t bother me, kid. I’m trying to figure this out.” Figure what out? Okay, figure– “It’s this riddle about these stupid duck things. Apparently if you shake them in the right order, something is supposed to happen.”
– “Go twice the duck that’s furthest south. Then two blue before red.” And then– oh. Oh, how am I supposed to remember this? – Oh. Okay, so yellow, yellow, blue, blue, red, yellow, blue.
– We gotta hit this up at once. – (both) Blue. Blue.
– Back to the first one. (quacking) – And then blue. (sharp quack) (both gasp) – Oh, hell yeah. – (sighs) So we have a card. – “That’s the bell!
Let’s all head back inside for show and tell.” – “Let’s all get ready for the show and tell. Why don’t you go first? What did you bring?” – I think maybe a Monstermon card. – Monster card, right?
That’s the only thing that’s interesting. – “Oh, come on. You have to be more creative than that.”
I know. (school bell rings) – “Oh! There’s the bell. I hope you all had a fun day today.” – Oh. – (both) “Day complete!”
– “Cyclops Duckling.” – Continue. – Again?
– Monday again. – Monday again? – (snaps fingers) (children cheer) What? – Is this Groundhog Day? – So now we can go back and see how the day works out differently.
– I’m guessing that you have to complete a certain sequence of events in order to advance to the next day. – All right. Let’s do the gum. – We’re gonna– Wait. Okay, yeah, we didn’t do that. We were safe there.
So… – All right, let’s do gum. – Let’s go to piggy bank. – Yeah.
Oh, so we have 6.50 now. – We should take all of it. – Okay, let’s take all of it. – All right. Might as well.
– “Am I ready to start the day– another day of kindergarten?” Yes. – Okay.
– “Hmm. I smell money. Sniff. Yeah, someone is definitely carrying more than 3 bucks.” Oh, shit.
No, he’s gonna rob us. – “Don’t lie to me! I know when I smell money! Give me half…” – (both) No way!
– I think he is actually gonna kill us, so… – Yeah, we should just… (gasps) Oh no. “Good boy. Now, don’t go telling the teacher about this.” “You might turn up missing like that Billy kid.” – Let’s go to Cindy. – He killed Billy?
– ‘Cause we’re gonna become her boyfriend. – Yeah, okay. – We gotta do what she wants, I think.
– Yeah. – Yeah. – Let’s put the gum in the girl’s hair. – All right.
– And then play house with her. – “Good morning, children. It’s time to pick your buddies for the morning time, or you can be sad, pathetic, and alone.”
– Let’s, um… – We should go put the gum in her hair. – Yeah. – Put gum, put gum. – Yeah, put gum. Go for it. – Aah!
– (chuckles) – “That’s so mean. Cindy put you up to this.” – Oh my god. – “Didn’t she?” – “Did you do it?
Oh my gosh.” “Yes, I’m so happy! Now you can be my morning buddy, which also makes you my boyfriend.
As my boyfriend, you get the honor of playing house with me. I’ll meet you over at the dollhouse.” – Yes. I’ll be home soon, honey. – “Welcome home, husband!” – We’re already married.
– (giggles) “I hope work wasn’t too hard, ’cause you’re going to be making dinner tonight.” Yes, dear. – All right, sure. – “Sniff, sniff.”
Oh no. “Have you been drinking again?” – I think honesty, yes. – Yeah.
“Well, at least you’re being honest with me.” Good job. Good job. – “I’m so glad you care so much about me. Thank you, sweetie.
We’ll get through this together. Now go make my dinner.” – All right, let’s go. – All right. – “Wow!
That was the most fun I’ve had playing house in a while. You’re going to make a splendid boyfriend. I want you to have lunch with me.” – Sweet.
– “Okay, kids. That’s the lunch bell. Let’s go down to the cafeteria for a nutritious meal. I hear we’re having slop today!
How exciting!” – “Oh hey, boyfriend! I saved you a spot. Go get something to eat and come sit with me.”
Okay, we have to go get some slop. – Slop? – Should we get biscuits or the lunch lady? – Well, let’s get slop first, ’cause that’ll be free. – “Oh, hey, boyfriend!” Okay, okay.
“I have slop. Eat slop.” “Oh good.
I was just thinking about– oh, darn it. My stupid mother packed me something that’s not vegan. She knows I’m all vegan right now.” “I don’t know exactly what it means, but I know it’s good.
So just ask around and see if you can find something vegan. Oh, and the slop isn’t vegan.” I’ll try. – “Biscuit Balls! Get your Biscuit Balls here! Get ’em while they’re hot!”
Biscuit Balls? “My own recipe. Came up with it after a little incident that happened recently.” – What incident?
– Yeah, what incident? – “Oh well, you see, that little girl’s dog. Well, I told her she couldn’t have him in school, so I brought him to my closet till her mom could pick her up.” – (gasps) – Are you eating the dog? – “What?
No, nonsense. And the fact that the little doggy’s name was Biscuit is just cruel irony.” “Go on and give her one, and I’m sure she’ll love it.” (cash register rings) – Okay, that’s so weird.
– This is so twisted! – “That’s vegan? Are you sure?” Yes. “Um, okay, I trust you. Munch, munch.
Hey, that’s pretty good. It kinda reminds me of my dog in a weird way. I can’t place it.” – “You’re being so good to me today. You’re probably the most well-trained boy I’ve ever met. I should use you for some–” – Are you a dog?
– “I’m really liking the way Lily wears that gum, but maybe we could put something else in there.” What do you mean? – “Jerome was telling me how the janitor has all sorts of gross stuff in his closet. I’m thinking we could find something to give to Lily.”
“Look what I have.” You have the key? – “Yup! A girl has her ways. I’m gonna head over and pay off the lunch lady so you can get going on down to that nasty closet.” – Run, run, run, run.
– I’m trying. Okay. The hall monitor isn’t here. – Door is– – It’s locked. Unlock the door, ’cause we have the key.
– (groans) What are we looking for? Oh jeez, this is gross! – Find something gross. Blood! – Blood!
– “It’s a bucket that’s catching the blood from the thing on the table. That would be a truly vile thing to dump on someone’s head.” – Bro!!
– (gasps) (school bell rings) It’s Carrie. What the heck? – No, wait. (growls) I gotta get out. – “Oh, did the slop give you the runs?
Sorry about that. Hope it worked itself out. All the other kids are out at recess now.
Go run along.” – Oh, god, no. – Okay. – Poor Lily. – “Well? What did you get?”
The bucket filled with blood. – “Oh my god.” – “It’s perfect.” – “You’re the best. Climb up there and I’ll call her over.”
I’m gonna get in position. – Up here. And then she’s gonna come there. “Come over here. I want to show you something.”
Oh no. “Why can’t you just leave me alone, Cindy?” – “I’m not gonna harass you! We can be friends! Just come over here.” “Fine.
What is it?” – How do I– oh. – Oh. Aww.
(both exclaim) – Wait, that might be her brother’s too. Oh! Oh!
– Oh no. – “Aw, come on, I think it’s an improvement.” “You’re just so mean.
I can’t take it anymore.” – Her brother just wants– – No, she’s gonna kill herself! – She’s gonna kill herself?
No!! (gasps) – “That was so great. You’ve made me so happy today. I want you to take this flower. It’s pretty like me. This way you’ll always have a little piece of me with you.”
Take Cindy’s flower. – “Oh dear! Has anyone seen Lily?” (gasps) – (gasps) – “I don’t see her anywhere.” “Nugget saw where that girl went. Nugget knows!”
– “Nugget, I swear whatever god your messed-up family believes in, Lily fell down that hole you dug. I’m pushing you in after her!” – Whoa. – “Nugget will not give teacher the satisfaction.
Teacher will never take Nugget alive!” – (gasps) – What the hell?! – This is a terrible game! “Wow, that hole is deep. I can’t even see the bottom! We’re gonna have to get the janitor out here with the ladder to get them out.”
– Can we kill the janitor? – “OH MR. JANITOOOOOR!” – “What seems to be the problem there, Ms. Jigglytits?” I– – That’s terrible.
– “I have two of my students stuck at the bottom of this hole.” – I’m gonna put the rest of ’em in the hole. – “No, I want you to get the ones that are IN the hole OUT of the hole.
Can you do that?” – “Very well. Okay, we’re gonna cut recess a little short today.
Let’s head inside for show and tell.” – “I hope everyone had a good recess. Let’s all get ready for the show and tell. Why don’t you go first? What did you bring?”
A nugget. – Hmm. – “What did you bring?”
– Maybe the flower. – “A flower? That’s pretty boring. What’s there to even tell about that?” – “It’s not boring.
I gave him that ’cause he’s been such a good boyfriend all day.” – “No, it’s definitely wimpy. I’m probably gonna kick his butt for being so whipped.” – “Don’t you dare, Buggs!
No one is allowed to kick my boyfriend’s butt except me!” – Dang. – “We’ll see about–” Oh, no, don’t kill us! – No! – What the hell?
– NO!!! – Why is the teacher not doing anything? – “Oh my god! Ms. Applegate! Stop him!” – “I would, but damn, if I don’t love a good kiddie fight.”
– No. – This game is so frustrating! – That was a terrible game. It was just messed up. It was– Like, everything you do I’m pretty sure leads you to get– – (both) To die. – It’s interesting enough to like, “What the hell’s going on?”
But the fact that I felt like we were so close to the end, and we just died. – We just die. – ‘Cause you showed a stupid flower. – Yeah. – That would get really aggravating after a while. – Games where your choices matter and then ends up changing other stuff, I think that’s really sick.
– It was like a morbid Groundhogs Day set in kindergarten. But it was just everything– I don’t know. You’re just shook the whole time.
– Thanks for watching this episode of Gaming on the React channel. – Subscribe. You never know what we’re gonna play next. – Bye, guys. – Whoa, that did not– did not go well.
Hi, guys. Zach, producer at the React channel. Thank you so much for watching.
And please, as always, let me know what game you want us to do next. No. There’s no way a kid is gonna beat me up. Oh my god.